U.S. — A poll conducted at several colleges revealed a deep worry among students that the Cornell University incident would ruin ketamine-fueled campus orgies for everyone else.
The poll was conducted in light of an apparent panic cropping up among students across the nation following the announcement of a lawsuit against Cornell University by a young woman who was sexually assaulted while under the influence of ketamine. Now, students are worried that their ketamine-fueled orgies would soon be cast in a negative light.
"One ketamine orgy goes too far, and now they're suddenly 'in bad taste,'" said Aiden Canton, a gender studies major at Yale. "I'm really worried that colleges are going to start enforcing rules soon, and that's a bummer."
According to the results of the American College Health Association poll, approximately 80% of students are fearful that colleges are going to start cracking down on ketamine-fueled drug orgies, a prospect many have described as "totally uncool."
"Why is it always a few people who ruin it for everybody?" said Tricia Lockhart, a political science major at Harvard. "What's the point of going to college if you can't have a drug orgy?"
The poll also showed that 74% of students think ketamine orgies are completely safe and a proven rite of passage, while 42% think they're dangerous, but well worth the risk.
At publishing time, a grassroots movement among college students pledged to donate all proceeds from their next round of ketamine-fueled orgies to charity.
Noah's Ark has definitely been found and we highlight 9 incredible artifacts that prove it.
