U.S. — Yesterday, Americans from all walks of life gathered to solemnly remember that OHMYGOSH! BEST BUY IS HAVING A MASSIVE BLOWOUT SALE ON REFRIGERATORS!!!!!!

"This is a very important day for every American," said local man Walt Cumberland while grilling up some burgers and hot dogs with his family. "It's important we take the time to be grateful for the men and women who gave their lives so we could enjoy the freedoms of UNBEATABLE PRICES ON KITCHEN APPLIANCES LIKE MICROWAVES, OVENS, AND REFRIGERATORS FOR ONE DAY ONLY!!!!"

"THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE! GET THEM BEFORE THEY'RE GONE!!!!!"

Sources estimate that millions and millions of people got together over the long weekend to pay their respects to those who served by SLASHING PRICES ON BEDROOMS SETS! MATTRESSES! FOOTWEAR! EYEWEAR! UNDERWEAR! STORES OPEN AT 6 AM!!!! Experts are encouraging everyone to get there early before inventory runs out.

At publishing time, all the incredible savings had sadly been wiped out by runaway inflation.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.