WASHINGTON, D.C. — Early reports from Capitol Hill indicated that President-Elect Donald Trump's upcoming second term was already off to a contentious start, with Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi reportedly drafting articles of impeachment against him for his involvement in the 2024 presidential election.
"He won, and that's against the law," Pelosi said. "And, quite frankly, he's admitted it. He's admitted to winning the election, but no one is above the law."
Though Pelosi no longer serves as Speaker of the House and was unable to cite any specific law or statute Trump had broken by winning the election, she remained determined to follow through on impeaching him again.
"He must be held accountable for this heinous crime," Pelosi continued. "This is an urgent matter. We don't have time to deal with citing actual reasons why he should be impeached. That's not necessary. The important thing is to make sure he gets impeached for... something. We cannot let him be president again because that would be very bad for me, and that's illegal."
At publishing time, Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie, who sits on the House Judiciary Committee, thanked Pelosi for her service and assured her he would place the articles of impeachment in a brand-new special filing cabinet that looked suspiciously like a trash can.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
