HOLLYWOOD, CA — The producers of a soon-to-be-released new blockbuster film are looking for the perfect, haunting remake of a popular pop song to play under the movie's trailer.
"We thought about rearranging a Beatles song like ‘Twist and Shout' in a minor key and slowing it down but then realized that's been done to death," producer Nick McKennon commented. "So then I was like, ‘What if we have an all-soprano choir singing a slowed-down version of Taylor Swift's ‘I Knew You Were Trouble' with a low-key bass beat that comes in somewhere about halfway through? NAILED IT."
The song will play over scenes of techno-robots fighting humans on a distant planet, a cultural juxtaposition the film's makers say will really get people thinking about…stuff.
"Yeah, I love this," the film's star Jennifer Lawrence told producers. "It makes it feel like the movie is going to be deep and thoughtful. I mean, when that mech rips that guy's head off in slow motion and you can hear that scary T-Swizz song playing while he dies…I totally think people are gonna want to come see this."
The movie cost an estimated $130 million to make. The studio says the majority of the budget was spent on song rights for the trailer, fees for the score's 400-person orchestra, and makeup to make Jennifer Lawrence look more human-like.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
