U.S.—According to multiple sources across the country, thousands of women came out today to protest gender discrimination at the nation's logging companies.
"An overwhelming 99.1% of workers doing dangerous logging work are men! This is outrageous!" one woman screamed through a bullhorn as picketers marched in front of Timber Mainline Contractors in northern Michigan. "We demand equal hiring in all professions, whether that's logging work, powerline maintenance, or deadly deep sea fishing!"
"We want to work incredibly dangerous jobs too! We want to work incredibly dangerous jobs too!" they chanted.
One woman in Oregon chained herself to a logging machine and stated she won't come down until Beaver Lumber Mill agrees to a 50% female workforce. "It's 2019, and women still don't have equal representation in the most physically demanding and potentially fatal careers. How can we say this is a free country when women aren't represented in this brutal line of work?"
At publishing time, the nation's lumber mills had agreed to hire the protesters, but they then clarified they wanted other women to represent females in the incredibly dangerous industry, not themselves.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.