LEXINGTON, KY — Senator Mitch McConnell revealed today his reelection campaign slogan, "..............".

"..................................................," said Mr. McConnell, in an apparent statement. ".................................."

As aides checked for a pulse, Senate Republicans rallied behind the GOP minority leader. "It's a powerful message," said Senator Rick Scott. "Mitch takes the time to really stare, for an extended period, at the everyday Americans we are working to serve. We are here to listen, during lengthy silences, to the concerns of our constituents. This is what the Republican party is all about."

At publishing time, Mr. McConnell's press team had assured Americans that the Senator is in perfect health, and he was simply doing a John Fetterman impression.

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