JACKSON, MS—Shortly after Texas made national news by lifting its mask mandates, Governor Tate Reeves of Mississippi also announced a complete lifting of his statewide mandates, reminding everyone that Mississippi is a state in the country that exists and has people in it.
"Today, we are lifting all COVID mandates in the great state of Mississippi," said Reeves. "Yeah -- Mississippi! Remember us? Yep, we're still down here! Y'all should come to visit sometime, maybe. We have excellent Walmarts, and we have that huge river, too. Oh yeah-- and FREEDOM! We got freedom too!"
Leftists were prepared to criticize Governor Reeves for "literally killing people", but they first had to Google whether Mississippi was a real thing and if there were actual people living down there.
"We thought Mississippi was just a fictional place from country music," said New York Times editor Lisa Flambeaux. "I've never seen it in person. Maybe it's just under an invisibility shield, like Wakanda."
Local residents claim to not be worried about COVID spread in light of the mask mandates ending and are looking forward to getting back to normal life, getting sodas at the gas station or catching snapping turtles or whatever they do down there.
"Come on down and find out!" said Governor Reeves.