WORLD — In an event the likes of which haven't been seen in decades, millions of people converted to Christianity after learning there is no Microsoft Teams in Christian Heaven.
"I've long been an ardent critic of organized religion and Christianity in particular," said prominent atheist Richard Dawkins. "But when I heard heaven is bereft of Microsoft Teams, I was baptized that very hour."
Millions joined Dawkins in converting after learning of the obscure dogma, discovered in a work of apocrypha attributed to Barnabas.
"And behold, it hath been revealed unto me that there is to be no Microsoft Teams in the Eternal Rest with the Lord," Barnabas wrote. "There shall neither be meetings that could have been an email, nor people asking if you have a case of the Mondays, or any such thing, for these are an abomination to the Lord."
Members of the Christian faith expressed joy at the news and rested in their confirmation that they had made a wise choice. "I've always been a believer," one Christian said. "But I had no idea how great heaven would truly be."
At publishing time, millions more had converted to Christianity after it was revealed that The View would not aired in Heaven.
Congress is preparing to make some big changes!
