DULUTH, MN — Local midwestern man Dave Netters was arrested for squeezing past someone at a grocery store without saying the obligatory "Ope!"
Onlookers gasped in shock and disgust as Netters attempted to slide past an old woman on the pickle aisle without uttering any sort of nonsensical term of courtesy.
"I couldn't believe what I was seeing," said witness Matthew Stanton. "It's awful to see the depths of depravity that man can sink into. Are these people even human? I hope they lock him up and throw away the key."
The disturbing case has roiled the community of Duluth, where the city has offered free counseling to citizens traumatized by the news. "You just never think it will happen here," said local woman Susan Remy. "This is what happens when you lose the values your country was founded on. Hug your family extra tight tonight."
At publishing time, Netters had pleaded not guilty on account of being from Missouri.
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