U.S. — According to sources, European tourists visiting the United States for the World Cup became mesmerized and bowed in worship to the golden statue of Buc-ee Beaver.
Buc-ee's, a popular gas station chain based primarily in the American South, features a friendly beaver mascot that reportedly caused hundreds of Europeans to fall into a trance and pledge their lives to it.
Witnesses at multiple Buc-ee's locations reported seeing large groups of European visitors prostrate themselves before golden images of Buc-ee Beaver and chant in strange tongues.
"I don't know. It was German or Swedish or something," said one concerned onlooker. "I guess they really like the Beaver Nuggets."
A Buc-ee's spokesman said, "We are grateful to our European friends for their interest in Buc-ee Beaver, but kindly ask that they please stop worshipping him."
Although Bucc-ee worship is fairly benign in nature, sources said there remained great concern among local communities that it would quickly turn into a progressive form of Islam in which Bucc-ee Beaver is held up as a silent prophet who will impose strict judgment on infidels.
The FBI reportedly designated European worship of Buc-ee a cult and had begun investigating the practice as potential religious extremism.
At publishing time, Texas locations had dispersed Buc-ee's cultists by firing their guns wildly into the air.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
