INDIANAPOLIS, IN — WNBA star Caitlin Clark returned to the basketball court today sporting a slightly modified team uniform.
In lieu of the traditional Indiana Fever jersey, Clark opted for a full-body bomb disposal suit to help protect her from future murder attempts.
"It limits her agility, but it should really cut down on the throat punches," said Fever coach Stephanie White. "Caitlin may not have the same jump shot range in the bomb suit, but she can really box out. The new uniform also has great protection against the shivs she regularly faces in the paint. There are trade-offs, but it's worth it to limit the felonious aggravated assault."
Clark reportedly opted for the new suit after being kicked, strangled, and beaten within an inch of her life during the team's previous game. "The bomb suit isn't ideal, but I'm also not quite ready to die," said Clark. "It would be cool to just play basketball and not have to worry about military-grade explosive ordnance disposal gear, but I guess that's just part of today's game."
At publishing time, Clark's opponents were reportedly seen arriving at the arena with a rocket launcher.
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