IRVINE, CA — In an attempt to draw in more members, New Hope Crosspointe Church introduced a new feature this past Sunday, allowing congregants to set the pastor to a 2x speaking speed so they can end the service faster and get back to their lives.
The feature reportedly works via a voting system wherein each church member, when they feel they've gotten the gist of the lesson, can vote to speed up the pastor. When over half of the congregants agree, the pastor will begin talking twice as fast to get through the rest of his sermon.
"I thought this would be a fun way to attract new people and show current membership that I'm aware my sermons can be a little long-winded," said Pastor Dave Henderson. "Although I didn't expect everyone to start jamming the button right away."
Just two minutes into a lesson about marriage and divorce, Pastor Dave was prompted to speak at double speed. "Do you know how hard it is to talk about such a nuanced topic at twice the speed? I'm not even sure what I said in that sermon," the pastor said.
Membership appears to love the new feature. "Yeah, yeah. We get it. God is good, the devil is bad. Now let's watch some football," said Norman Hayworth, a longtime member.
At publishing time, the success of the speedier church service prompted church leadership to install a "Skip Intro" button.
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