MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA — Residents of upscale Martha's Vineyard are in a panic after several buses dropped off illegal immigrants from Florida this week. One terrified resident reportedly called the authorities after seeing Hispanic males outside her home, not even operating a leaf blower or any other kind of gardening equipment.
"Hello, is this 911? Yes, there are brown-looking Latinx people outside my 20,000-square-foot seaside home, and they aren't even carrying leaf blowers," said a terrified Mavis McWhite to the dispatcher. "They aren't even holding so much as a rake. They're up to no good. I'm scared! Please send help!"
Early reports from one of the wealthiest zip codes on earth indicate that approximately 50 people from countries south of the equator are striking fear in the hearts of local oligarchs, movie stars, and millionaire politicians who reside there. "It was so inconsiderate for DeSantis to ship these dark-skinned people up to our neighborhood without the tools they need to maintain our multimillion-dollar properties," said Town Councilmember Pam Karen-Cindy. "What else are they going to do all day? Just despicable."
At publishing time, the Hispanic immigrants who currently work as landscapers and house servants in Martha's Vineyard for minimum wage had organized a demonstration to protest the arrival of new Hispanic immigrants who will work for even cheaper.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
