PAMPA, TX — Local man Jameson Leeds continues to revel in never getting duped into watching that show Lost, unlike so many suckers around him.

"Those poor fools," laughed Mr. Leeds, chuckling. "Man, this feeling of superiority - it just doesn't quit!"

Mr. Leeds said he still fondly recalls friends obsessively talking about Lost being the greatest show in human history, only to watch their passion steadily devolve into humiliating disappointment. "Their fandom was like watching a slow-motion train wreck for five straight years, and it was glorious," said Mr. Leeds. "They started off a happy little club of nerds, chanting some number sequence that they were sure would one day mean something awesome. Then, one by one each of them realized they had been hoodwinked. I still can't stop smiling about it."

Though ultimately proved wiser and smarter than all of his friends, Mr. Leeds admitted there were times he second-guessed his decision. "I'm not going to lie, my friends worshipped that show so neurotically that I was tempted to try it on a couple of occasions. Then one day I saw a trailer for the new season, and some guy who had apparently escaped the island dramatically yelled, 'We have to go back!'. Oh man, I knew I had dodged a bullet."

At publishing time, a giggling Mr. Leeds was continuing his quarterly tradition of messaging his friends to ask them how they felt about the Lost finale.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.