MILLVILLE, NJ — According to sources, college dropout Jack Doulton saved hundreds of thousands of dollars on student loans by simply learning how to hate Jews online for free.
The young man had previously had his sights set on earning a degree from a prestigious educational institution before coming to the realization that he could save a fortune by teaching himself how to hate Israel at home.
"I was all set to go to university, but I realized I could just learn all about hating Jews from people on the Internet," Doulton said. "It's really saved me a lot of time and let me start hating Jews faster than all my friends."
According to experts, there are many free resources online that can teach anyone how to hate Jews. Thousands of helpful antisemites are willing to share their knowledge for free, producing free content on YouTube and posting on conspiracy subreddits to guide the next generation of Jew haters.
"I really dodged a bullet," said Doulton. "Did you know the Jews are in charge of our educational institutions and indoctrinate people into supporting Israel? I could have been one of them! Nice try, Jews."
Doulton's friends are impressed, they say. "I've spent so much time and money at Columbia University," said Tiffany Kent, a childhood friend. "The only thing I have to show for it is a piece of paper. Jack is already out there hating Jews, and it didn't cost him a thing."
At publishing time, having mastered antisemitism, Jack Doulton began arguing online about flat earth theory.
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