EDMOND, OK — Local man Samuel Higgins declined an invitation to join a men's accountability group today, not wanting to embarrass the other men with his complete and total righteousness.

"I just don't want to make people feel bad with my holiness," said Mr. Higgins. "For everyone else's sake, I think I'll pass."

While seeing the value of accountability groups for fallen people mired in sin, Mr. Higgins felt his presence would only add to their shame. "My perfection would just make the blackness of other people's souls even more apparent," said Mr. Higgins. "Black looks even blacker when you put it next to dazzling, pure white. It would just be so discouraging for everyone else."

John Peters, who had extended the invitation to Mr. Higgins, admitted feeling quite silly afterwards. "I had no idea Sam was perfect in righteousness," said Mr. Peters. "Obviously, if you've already attained the beatific vision, our accountability group probably isn't a great fit. My mistake."

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