NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani asked New Yorkers weathering the heatwave to keep their thermostats at a scorching 78 degrees so as not to tax the city's inadequate power grid. Still, Mamdani said he had other ways to cool down anyone who complains: "Off to gulag!"
Mamdani, through his numerous Communist connections, said he had been able to free up some space in a Siberian gulag for New Yorkers who need a break from the heat. "If you don't like our suggested temperature, off to gulag!" Mamdani told reporters. "It's simple, but effective. Siberia is lovely this time of year. And quite refreshing."
The mayor then explained that anyone caught lowering their thermostat below 78 or complaining about the power grid would be seen as consenting to a "cooling-off period" and would be immediately seized and shipped off to the work camp in Siberia. "The warmth of collectivism has been determined to be 78 degrees," Mamdani stated. "We expect everyone to do their part to take the strain off the power grid. If that doesn't work for you, gulag!"
At publishing time, Texas Governor Greg Abbott had issued an official memorandum to all Texans that anyone who raised their thermostat to 65 or higher during the scorching summer was a "sissy."
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