FORT MORGAN, CO—Reminding authorities that he is, in fact, a “temple of the Holy Spirit,” local man Carl Menard declared himself to be completely exempt from paying taxes as a religious organization, sources confirmed Wednesday.
Menard filed his taxes at a local H&R Block but declined to pay anything the IRS claimed he owed, seeking protection from paying all taxes as a non-profit organization, since he is an exempt temple of the Holy Spirit.
“Our tax code protects organizations that perform religious activities, and my entire life is a living sacrifice,” he told reporters. “If our government is serious about religious freedom, they’ll recognize the tax-exempt status of this temple of the Living God.”
The man claimed the exemption from local, state, and federal taxes was necessary due to the high costs of maintaining his temple, such as the inflated prices of avocado toast and locally sourced, fair-trade, cage-free coffee blends.
“The Bible says we’re to take care of our temples, and keeping this one in tip-top shape isn’t cheap,” he said.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.