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Local Kid Employs Series Of Delay Tactics To Indefinitely Postpone Bedtime

RALEIGH, NC—Local 7-year-old Jayden Perdue was instructed to go to bed this evening, but the boy wasn't about to let the bedtime proceedings go through without a fight. 

Perdue quickly formulated a complex strategy in which he would employ a series of clever delay tactics in order to postpone bedtime indefinitely.

"But I have to go to the bathroom," he began, and his parents allowed him to do so. Several minutes later, after they thought he was fast asleep, Perdue emerged once again from his bedroom and declared, "I'm scared. Can you check my closet for monsters, ghosts, and politicians?"

Annoyed but still gracious, Perdue's parents entered the room and assured him there were no monsters of any kind. Satisfied, Perdue wished them good night and pretended to go to sleep.

But moments later, he came out yet again, asking if he could have a drink of water. He continued to get up every few minutes like clockwork, making increasingly grandiose requests, such as asking his parents for a tray of Bagel Bites and a readthrough of The Silmarillion.

"These delay tactics are unacceptable," his parents told reporters. "It is obvious now that he's simply stretching out the process to its breaking point."

At publishing time, the boy had managed to delay bedtime all the way until next Friday.