Lizzo Retires To Spend More Time At Texas Roadhouse Wolfing Down Entire Buckets Of Those Delicious Rolls
Celebs · Apr 1, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

DETROIT, MI — The entertainment world was still reeling from the departure of one of its biggest stars, as Lizzo retired to spend more time at Texas Roadhouse wolfing down entire buckets of those delicious rolls.

The rapper/singer/flutist stunned her fans by announcing her retirement last week so she could devote herself more fully to patrolling her local Texas Roadhouse in search of all available dinner rolls that could be found on the tables of dining families.

"This is where my heart is," Lizzo said when announcing her retirement. "I feel like I've done as much as I can in the world of music and entertainment, but there are still buckets and buckets of delicious Texas Roadhouse rolls to be scarfed down, along with buckets upon buckets of sweet honey cinnamon butter. This will now be the focus of my life."

Local families expressed concern about the future of the Texas Roadhouse dining experiences, as the knowledge that Lizzo may be lurking nearby left most of the restaurant's customers unsettled. "It makes it harder to relax," said one Texas Roadhouse patron. "I love enjoying a good steak dinner, but knowing that Lizzo has retired from music and is focusing all of her attention on eating rolls is enough to make anyone feel uneasy. I'm worried there won't be any rolls left by the time she's done."

A spokesman from Texas Roadhouse said preparations were being made to make sure several truckloads of rolls would be on hand in the event of a Lizzo sighting.

At publishing time, Lizzo was reportedly open to expanding her future plans to include finishing the leftover meals of Texas Roadhouse patrons after they were full.


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