We have witnessed many beautiful sights in our day, but nothing - not even the births of our own children - can compare to the GOREGOUSNESS that was Lizzo twerking in Abraham Lincoln's top hat.
Try to imagine the most rapturous love ever known, and then mix in just the slightest hint of Civil War history. Sprinkle in a dance move that registers on the Richter scale and a teensy reminder of a famous assassination - and you have a small morsel of the glory that we saw when Lizzo took the stage.
Let us simply say: we are here for it. Don't stop now, Lizzo! Let's get Bill Clinton's saxophone and William Taft's bathtub in the mix. Where are Teddy Roosevelt's swim trunks? Can you twerk on the remains of the ships that sunk at Pearl Harbor? Don't stop dreaming, girl!
Queen, you slay so hard you could give a grown man a concussion. We don't know if there is such a thing as too much hotness, but Lizzo is about to find out and report back to us mere mortals. In the meantime, we will be trying to keep our brains conscious watching the SUMPTUOUS Lizzo ABSOLUTELY SLAY when she twerks in the Betsy Ross flag next week! Slay, Queen!!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
