U.S. — In a desperate bid to save their rides from destruction, Liberal owners of Tesla vehicles are painting rainbow colors on their car doors in hopes that violent mobs will pass them by.
"I love the gays," said one nervous liberal caught painting his car door. "Please don't torch my baby."
Liberals who bought Tesla vehicles to help the environment and look better than everyone else have suddenly found themselves on the wrong side of history now that Elon Musk, under the direction of President Trump, has begun rooting out waste and corruption in the U.S. government. Now bands of raving leftists are vandalizing Tesla factories, dealerships, and vehicles to get back at the controversial African-American immigrant.
"I'm a good man, but I own a Tesla," said one liberal Tesla owner who agreed to speak anonymously. "It's not my fault Elon Musk turned into literally Hitler. I just hope the pride flag I painted on my car doors will be enough to save me from social justice."
Often joining the pride colors adorning Tesla vehicles are BLM slogans and calls for women's healthcare.
Antón Gimbel, a proud organizer of a Tesla mob, said he got the idea to mark out the cars of liberal owners when he almost torched his own vehicle. "Boy, was my face red," he said. "I mean embarrassed, not Indian — I mean Native American. Please — please don't cancel me."
At publishing time, some conservatives had opted to protect their Teslas by parking, and then lying in wait with an AR-15.
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
