ANN ARBOR, MI — According to sources, two neighbors in an upscale liberal suburb are currently locked in a battle of chicken to see who will be the first person to take down their "Black Lives Matter" yard sign — thereby showing the entire neighborhood they've stopped caring about black lives.
"Honestly, I'm getting tired of this thing in my yard," said neighbor Cameron Derpwit while painstakingly weed-whacking around the sign. "But I will NOT take this sign down before the Prigwillow family next door. My family is WAY more socially conscious and FAR less racist than they are, and the whole neighborhood knows it. I won't give them the satisfaction!"
Experts say that thousands of upper-class white people across the country are frozen in the same predicament, seemingly doomed to keep an ugly yard sign from 2020 in their yard lest the neighbors think them to be racist and insensitive to the lived experiences of black bodies.
Some have resorted to sneaking out at night to remove their signs, faking vandalism crimes, or even moving to an entirely new home to avoid the walk of shame across the yard to take down their only visible proof of anti-racist virtue.
At publishing time, the two neighbors had agreed to meet in their yards at midnight and remove the signs simultaneously under cover of darkness.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
