U.S. — As former President Donald Trump continued to build a sizeable lead in a majority of swing states, the latest polls suggest President Joe Biden would need twice as many fake ballots to win the election this year.
The startling poll results presented the Biden campaign with a sobering reminder that the standard number of fake ballots used in previous election years needed to be increased significantly for him to win again in November.
"We've got to double our target number of fake votes this year," said a Biden campaign insider under the condition of anonymity. "In previous years, we could just coast by with the standard quota of shenanigans, but this year, we've got to increase our production of hijinx and substantially raise the output of malarky."
The polls also led White House insiders to express concern that there may not even be enough dead people casting votes to overcome the deficit. "We need more dead voters," another insider said. "We've always done a good job of turning out the dead vote, but this year it will be even more crucial to get as many deceased people to the polls as possible."
Democrat ballot production centers across the country have reportedly already been notified to ramp up production to have any chance of meeting the demand in November.
At publishing time, the Biden campaign was rumored to be in negotiations with foreign countries for permission to use large quantities of the dead voters they use to rig their elections.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
