ANAHEIM, CA — When Natalie Bishop presented a set of matching family shirts to her husband ahead of their trip to Disneyland she knew he'd be on board. Psychiatrists who studied family pictures from the event, however, noted that his smile never met his eyes — that they often stared into space, longing for a death that would never come.
"You know I'm in," her husband said, clearly not making any decisions in the relationship. "This is a thing I want to do."
When he first entered the park, he would stand up straight and show it off as if saying, "Look at me. I am making my wife happy. I think. Please tell me she's happy." But as the day dragged on, his resolve failed, though he found some solace in seeing other men trapped in the same situation. They would lock eyes for a moment and share their pain. "I am with you, brother," they seemed to say.
From the outside, the Bishop family seemed to be building lasting memories in the happiest place on earth. But underneath it all, in a groaning too deep for words, the man wearing the shirt labeled "DAD" would lock eyes with random strangers and ask to die.
"Haha," he told his wife and kids. "I am having fun."
"Oh, babe!" Natalie would often say. "You're so fun!"
Natalie's husband dutifully replied, "Yes. I love doing this thing that I am doing."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
