Politics Supreme Court
Kavanaugh Accused Of Being ‘Too Judgmental’ To Be Effective Judge

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Protesters outside the Supreme Court railed against President Trump’s nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court on the grounds that he’s too judgmental to be an effective judge.

“It’s outrageous that the President would pick someone who has profited from a career built on judgment for this highest honor”, said protester Brenda Parker. “In this divided country, we need judges who are less judgy and more tolerant in order to restore trust in our courts. His reputation precedes him to the point where they even put the word ‘judge’ in front of his name. We can do better.”

Democrats urged Trump to consider alternatives for the nation’s highest court more in the mold of recent Obama nominees, who exhibited less judgmentalism, as demonstrated by rendering legal opinions they agreed with.

“I’m sure Judge Kavanaugh is a nice guy”, continued Parker. “But maybe he should be in a career more compatible with his judgy personality, like being a pastor or a manager at Chick-fil-A.”