LOS ANGELOS, CA — Following President Trump's recent cancellation of Kamala Harris' Secret Service protection, the former Vice-President was seen fleeing dozens of international assassins.
The last-captured video footage of the former VP shows Harris leaping from roof to roof in downtown LA, hotly pursued by a crowd of ninjas, men in suits wearing sunglasses, and other assailants from every corner of the world.
"It's very sad to see what's happening now that she lost her Secret Service protection, but she's doing all right for herself," said Grayson Casey, the intelligence operative who was the last to see Harris in the flesh. "She's actually got some impressive evasion skills for such an idiotic moron. I couldn't believe it when she broke the fall from a 5-story building with a sweet Gramby roll."
Reports state that, in the absence of her government protection, Harris has thus far fended off elite covert attacks, including a poisonous slug which she killed with a lightsaber, a time pincer movement using the Algorithm, and an amnesiac recovered from the middle of the ocean.
Doug Emhoff, Kamala's husband, declined to comment, as he was too busy cheering on the assassins pursuing his wife.
At publishing time, Harris had finally been caught by the band of international assassins after she crashed into a tunnel, which they had painted on the side of a building with the words "Tunnel to Safety."
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