HOUSTON, TX - Joel Osteen is a prolific author, having instructed his ghostwriter to pen dozens of bestselling books over the course of his career. Now, he's got a new book that's set to top the New York Times Bestseller List: Live Your Best Life Now by Taking Millions in Small Business Aid from the Government.

The book will teach Christians to name and claim up to $4 million in small business aid, allowing them to use their positive mental energy to redirect the loans from businesses who desperately need it to their own lives and ministries.

"Are you struggling to make the payment on your mansion or your third yacht? This is the book for you," Osteen said in a promotional trailer released today. "Learn how you can claim victory over the PPP program and get millions of dollars redirected from locked-down restaurants, gyms, and hair salons to your massive ministry or megachurch."

Osteen said the book is based on principles he's learned over the past nine months of lockdowns and pandemic restrictions. "I said to myself, 'Self, what are you going to do here? Are you going to sit down and let the government lockdowns hurt the profitability of your ministry? No. No siree Bob.' Then, I shouted declarations of victory over the distribution of the funds, and the next thing I knew, there was a massive check in the mail."

"Yes, Lord, thank you for your blessings!" he said as he prepared to dive into his giant pile of cash, safe and sound thanks to the small business aid he'd named and claimed.