PLAINS, GA - Former President Jimmy Carter was arrested Monday after a gas station attendant called the police to report a "hooligan" placing "I Did That!" stickers on gas pumps. Authorities arrived at the scene shortly thereafter and took the former president into custody for vandalism, disturbing the peace, and resisting arrest.
The infamous "I Did That!" stickers feature an image of President Biden pointing at the total sale of gas at the pump, as if proud of the economic strain he's placing on American families. According to authorities, the stickers have been popping up all over the country and aren't usually traced back to a specific culprit but in this instance, the stickers were placed comically low to the ground because Jimmy Carter is so short.
Carter, who saw an oil crisis during his presidency, reportedly voiced frustration with the Biden administration when confronted by authorities.
"In '79 we had an oil shortage. Maybe I didn't do everything right but I tried deregulating oil to increase domestic production and free us from the sharp rise in costs due to the Iranian Revolution," said Jimmy Carter, fuming.
The former peanut farmer continued, "But Biden just shut down our oil independence just because he hates Trump, making us more dependent than ever on foreign oil which is now exacerbated by a supply chain crisis no one wants to talk about and a Russian war that is only happening because Putin knows how weak Biden is."
"Sir, you're scaring the children," said Officer Mondale.
Police then cuffed Carter and sat him down in an itsy bitsy chair while they continued to question him about why he hated the president so much.
According to sources, Carter then shouted, "Not my president!"
He easily wiggled his way out of his handcuffs thanks to his small wrists and rolled away like a peanut to hide under a car.
If you or someone you know has seen Jimmy Carter, please call the police immediately.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.