JERUSALEM — While overlooking the Temple from the Mount of Olives, the one called Jesus reportedly shared with His disciples a new teaching called the "Parable of the Wise Servant Who Invested in Pokémon Cards."
The strange new teaching, which some said was full of supernatural wisdom, told the story of a servant using a talent to invest in just one Pokémon card, which then, through the process of wise trading, becomes a whole collection of highly valuable Pokémon cards.
According to sources, the story served as a companion to the "Parable of the Talents," which Jesus had told earlier in the day. Where it diverged, however, was in detailing how the man grew his collection of cards by trading in on the worth of a Pikachu Illustrator graded PSA 10 Gem Mint. It's about taking advantage of the value that someone else does not see — knowing that true value is Heaven, and yet many dismiss it.
Men later identified as Peter, James, John, and Andrew reportedly found the parable difficult to understand and needed it explained to them at least three times.
Peter, ever eager to please, reportedly asked Jesus how to play so he could draw up some cards right away and had to be told repeatedly he was missing the point of the parable.
"Apparently Pokémon is a game. It sounds really cool," said Peter. "I would very much like to collect all the cards. For Jesus."
Sources familiar with the matter claimed that Jesus also warned the crowd against the evils of making bootleg Pokémon cards.
At publishing time, the disciples were warned not to lose their souls in pursuit of a 1st Edition Foil Charizard.
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