GALILEE—According to sources in Northern Israel, a young rabbi named Jesus and his 12 followers have been traveling the country to preach the good news that everyone should purchase health insurance.
In one encounter with a blind man, Jesus firmly scolded the man for not checking out the easy-to-use government insurance marketplace to purchase an affordable policy that was right for him. He then fined the blind man 50 denarii for not having insurance.
"Verily, I say unto you," said Jesus. "Come on, man! Do you want the whole healthcare industry to collapse financially? There are plenty of great Herodcare plans to choose from. You should know better than this!"
The blind beggar apologized profusely for being so irresponsible and begged for the rabbi to heal him.
"Oh, no -- I don't think so," Jesus replied. "That's what our government healthcare plans are for! They cover preexisting conditions so you should be good. Just head on over to the clinic about 86 miles down that desert road and they'll give you a spot in line to have those eyes looked at."
The man finally arrived at a clinic but was unfortunately kicked out by some Pharisees for being unclean and for walking to the hospital on the Sabbath. They have assured the public that the blind man is simply getting what he deserves for failing to buy a Herodcare plan.