ANGLETON, TX — Local "Coco Loco" waiter Jesús Fernandez reportedly fed five thousand hungry people today with a single order of bottomless chips and salsa.
"The chips, they just kept coming," said Dale Alexander, one of the five thousand. "Every time you thought they were finished, along came Jesús to deliver another fresh batch. I'm so stuffed."
Several hundred families reportedly abandoned plans to obtain fajitas, having completely filled themselves with chips and salsa. "I don't know how it happened," said local woman Carissa Lane. "I did everything in my power to drain the salsa dish, but it just wouldn't run dry."
Several news stations came to interview Mr. Fernandez about the remarkable event. "Truly, truly, I was just doing my job," said Mr. Fernandez. "I mean, it does say ‘bottomless'. I'm a man of my word."
At publishing time, Jesús had fed another four thousand people with a single bottomless chip basket.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
