WASHINGTON, D.C.—All the witnesses who have testified before the January 6 Committee were given honorary Emmy awards this week for their outstanding performances pretending to cry for dramatic effect.
"Look at the way they are able to cry on command -- so realistic!" said one member of the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences upon reviewing the tearful performances. "These folks have a bright career ahead of them. The Hallmark Channel is always looking for new talent, as they have about 6,000 Christmas movies to make before November."
"Keep an eye on these actors -- they're hot, hot, hot!"
While most praised the awards, others criticized the move, saying that Senator Cory Booker and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are "far more deserving" of the recognition.
Trump was also given an Emmy Award for his excellent work still pretending that he won the election.