U.S. — According to sources, new posters depicting hostages held captive by Hamas will feature photos of WNBA players as part of a last-ditch effort to provoke action from the Biden Administration.
"If there's anything that can motivate Biden to move heaven and earth and bring a hostage home safely, it's a weed-smoking WNBA player/BLM activist," said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to reporters. "We hope that by replacing photos of the small children and elderly women being held captive by terrorists with cool action shots of Nneka Ogwumike and Brittney Griner, Biden will be moved to use the vast power and influence of the United States to bring these people home."
Sources confirmed the posters are already being hung up by the thousands in major cities around the world, and have not been torn down like previous versions. "OH NO! Those monsters have WNBA MVP Breanna Stewart!" said concerned citizen Karla Sims upon seeing the photos. "We have to do something about this right now!"
At publishing time, all hostages had been immediately released from custody in exchange for every terrorist in Guantanamo Bay.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
