WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to the President say he's definitely going to step down any day now or for sure stay in the race, but it's going to be one of those two options unless a third option presents itself.
"After careful consideration and counseling with family and close friends, President Biden is definitely thinking about either dropping out or staying in the race," an anonymous source close to the President told The Babylon Bee. "He knows that for the good of the country, he will stay in the race and fight, or drop out tomorrow. One or the other, for sure. Unless something else comes up."
Following weeks of speculation regarding his health and stamina, President Biden met with close friends this week to determine his future in the Oval Office. Inside sources say he's determined to do what is best for the country and will absolutely stay in office or maybe drop out and throw his support behind a number of potential candidates.
"He supports Kamala as a candidate, for sure. But he's also not dropping out. But if he was, he supports Gretchen Whitmer as a candidate. Or maybe Newsom…how's he polling today?"
At publishing time, the American people had concluded Biden was absolutely dropping out tomorrow due to cryptic comments one of the White House janitorial staff made on X, but then again he's probably not going anywhere because a random staffer told The New York Times the President was definitely staying in the race.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
