TUSCON, AZ — In an event that surely proves extraterrestrial life exists, an incredible cell phone video has caught every moment leading up to, then immediately following an alien encounter.
The 100% convincing grainy footage of a blurry-yet-obvious alien spacecraft falling from the sky has spread across the Internet, thus ending any debate of whether we are alone in the Universe.
Additionally, a group of witnesses with expensive video recording devices safely tucked in their pockets offered TV crews incredibly accurate verbal descriptions of the alien creatures and the otherworldly space vessel that crashed in their back yard but has now mysteriously disappeared.
"The aliens were like, gray, eight or ten feet tall, with big eyes and big heads," said one witness who has over two terabytes of detailed video footage of every mundane event of her life stored on her phone. "I wish you could have seen it."
When one witness was asked why he did not take a video of the life-changing visitation, he explained how the aliens took his phone after they were done probing him.
"The witnesses appeared to be telling the truth," reported Tucker Carlson in response to the news of an alien encounter, "therefore it must be true."
At publishing time a recently-discovered cell phone video had surfaced, showing evidence of a zombie-like creature roaming the halls of the White House.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
