U.S. — Donald Trump and Joe Biden have agreed to debate once again, confirming what many theologians feared: God is pouring out his judgment upon America.
Following decades of standing in blatant rebellion against God's prescribed order, His pouring out of divine wrath became undeniable when it was announced that Trump and Biden would take the debate stage once again in June ahead of the presidential election in the fall.
"We are guilty of disobeying God, and now we see the consequences," said a tearful Rev. Bryan Wright. "Despite many pleas from so many believers over the years, the United States has not listened, and we will now all suffer under the terrible punishment of another Trump-Biden debate."
Horrified Americans wailed and gnashed their teeth when the news broke this week of the upcoming debate, with many people rending their garments and pouring ashes on their heads in contrition. Sadly, Wright says, it is now too late. "As when God shut the door of Noah's ark, the chance to repent is gone now," he said. "We have strayed too far from the path, and the Lord has condemned us to experience watching Trump and Biden shouting at each other once again. We must now pray that God will be merciful and preserve a remnant of Americans who will survive the debate."
At publishing time, evangelical pastors across the country were reportedly updating their eschatological charts to include the Trump-Biden debate as a key moment ushering the End Times.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
