Details were still being ironed out, but it was confirmed yesterday that the world could now look forward to another debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. While Biden's list of conditions to agree to the debate made the rounds on social media, Trump's list of demands was not made public… until now.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of Donald Trump's debate demands:
- Benny Hill music must be played whenever Biden wanders around the stage: His aimless shuffling will be much more entertaining to the viewing audience set to "Yakety Sax."
- Moderators have to be smoking hot: Not just attractive. They have to be hot. Smoking hot. At least a 9 or a 10. Or even better than 10, maybe. Debates are better with hot moderators. I can't look at a dog for 3 hours. That would be terrible.
- Catering provided by McDonald's: Big Macs and Diet Cokes during every commercial break.
- Lightning round: Featuring a wheel to be spun for prizes, including Trump Steaks, Trump sneakers, and Trump NFTs.
- Sad trombone riff plays following every Biden answer: Wah-wah-wahhhhh!
- Whenever Trump drops a savage diss, sunglasses lower from the ceiling and the words "Thug Life" appear onscreen: Don't worry, Biden won't even know it's happening.
- The loser gets slimed: It's time to bring the genius of Nickelodeon to presidential debates.
When reached for comment, the White House would neither confirm nor deny that Biden had agreed to Trump's demands.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
