WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the most recent instance of his seemingly endless series of gaffes, President Joe Biden was left red-faced after he inadvertently signed an actual human being named "Bill" rather than a piece of legislation.
This latest embarrassing incident occurred when the President was scheduled for another routine round of legislative signatures. When one of his aides told him, "Just go to your office and I'll be right there. You need to sign a bill," Biden reportedly shuffled off to the Oval Office where he crossed paths with a special VIP tour of the White House.
"Where's Bill?" the President allegedly shouted to the group of tourists. After looking around at each other for a moment, one of the men on the tour stepped forward and identified himself as Bill. Biden then quickly grabbed a Sharpie and signed the man's forehead. "I didn't expect to meet the President on this trip, much less get his autograph on my face," said Bill Kelly after the tour was completed. "I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time…and with the wrong name. I didn't even vote for the guy."
When asked about the mistake, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre brushed it off as intentional. "The President is always looking for opportunities to interact with the American people," she said. "Having his forehead signed was likely the highlight of that man's life and it makes his forehead a priceless souvenir."
At publishing time, Mr. Kelly was still trying desperately to wash Biden's signature off his forehead.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.