NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani reported a projected $5.4 billion budget gap, marking the first time in recorded history that a socialist has ever run out of money.
In a desperate bid to implement all of his socialist policies, Mamdani floated the idea of a 9.5% property tax hike across the board as a means to overcome this surprising budget shortfall.
"I just don't understand it. Socialists never run out of money," a clearly frustrated Mamdani allegedly said during an all-hands budget meeting. "Welp, time to raise taxes. Or maybe we can start selling organs. Can we sell organs? Not mine, of course."
According to economic historian Michael Billbur, Mamdani has proven that the typically bulletproof fundamentals of socialism may have some holes. "Socialist governments generally have too much money and never need to resort to abusing their people," he said. "The USSR was a futuristic utopia where nothing bad ever happened. That's why it remains the thriving example of societal greatness that it is today. It's truly surprising to see it fail in New York. I'm not sure what Mamdani's problem is."
At publishing time, Zohran Mamdani had authorized the police to round up homeless people and harvest their organs for the good of the cause.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
