MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to witnesses, federal ICE agents shifted their tactics slightly by donning Capitol Police uniforms so that Democrats would start defending them from being harmed.
"I wish we had thought of this sooner," one ICE officer was heard saying. "It's like flipping a switch in their brains that makes them appreciate us."
Ever since the federal government's crackdown on fraud and illegal residency in Minnesota began, ICE agents have been on high alert. The local community, encouraged by Democrats, has been fighting them every step of the way. Fortunately, that seems to be changing at a record pace following a televised address by Governor Tim Walz to "treat our brave Capitol Police with respect."
"The Capitol Police are heroes. I don't care if they shoot each and every one of you," Walz said.
Rioters appeared to disperse overnight following the ICE's uniform change. "People are now happily deporting themselves. This job is so easy," said ICE agent Jason Colt. "I hope we can keep wearing these uniforms forever."
At publishing time, to further assist with ICE, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey began ramming protestors with his car.
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