HOUSTON, TX — A so-called conservative was spotted exercising while wearing noise-canceling earbuds DESPITE previous claims of being totally against cancel culture.
"Do you remember what they did to Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle?" total hypocrite Mark Harrison said while obviously supporting noise-canceling technology that silenced the free speech of everyone around him. "Cancel culture is a mind virus!"
Harrison continued to claim he was dismayed by the recent cancellation of country music star Jason Aldean, despite BLATANTLY wearing the noise-canceling earbuds out in the open where everyone could see them. "Jason is a national treasure and look at what the liberal idiots did to him. I'm sorry, what did you say? I couldn't hear you through these awesome new Bose QuietComfort Earbuds."
Harrison's TOTAL HYPOCRISY didn't go unnoticed by other witnesses in the area.
"I mean, how can you even say you hate cancel culture when you're sitting there literally canceling noise?" local woman Christine Smith told reporters. "Conservatives are all such total hypocrites. We should cancel them…"
Harrison says he'll continue to wear the earbuds even though many critics say it's a complete DOUBLE-STANDARD.
"I know what to cancel and what not to cancel. Noise is a nuisance. But a Dave Chappelle comedy special is sacred ground, you don't go around trying to get him off the air just because he thinks men are men and women are women. We need to protect free speech!" said the disgusting hypocrite.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
