TEMPE, AZ — For decades, local husband Danny Gould had yearned for his chronically frigid wife to set the thermostat anywhere below 78 degrees.
In the space of just 24 hours, Gould got his wish, but so, so much more.
"Please turn the fan off, baby, I'm freezing," said Gould's wife Cynthia, buried under blankets in their 78-degree household. "It's... wait a second. I'm feeling kind of weird, baby. Something is... something is changing. OH MY GOSH! I'M BURNING UP! OPEN A WINDOW! ICE! BRING ME A BUCKET OF ICE! I'M DYING OF HEAT AAAGGGGH!!!"
Gould raced to unbury his newly menopausal wife from the mountain of blankets she was trapped under and began dousing her with cup after cup of cold water. "I regret everything I ever said about her being cold," said Gould, watching as his wife dialed the AC down to 46 degrees. "I went from starting a fire every morning and bringing her a mug of still-boiling coffee to helping her into the outside freezer and packing her in ice every night. This is the worst."
Cynthia visited her doctor Tuesday afternoon, who told her she was, in fact, experiencing the first signs of menopause and that she would probably need to take some medication to help with her temperature fluctuations. Cynthia responded by dunking her head in the pebble ice machine at the doctor's office.
At publishing time, Mr. Gould had begun researching where to purchase those uniforms the Rebels wore on Hoth.
What are the Republican strategies to win the midterm elections? AI shows us how they are planning on defeating the Democrats. Do you think these strategies will help?
