KANSAS CITY, MO — A local man has achieved the unthinkable and miraculously arrived home on time and in good health despite not having his wife with him in the car to provide constant safe driving instructions.
Bryan Purtle, who has been a licensed driver for 25 years, accomplished this astounding feat while driving from a local coffee shop back to his home several miles away. "This was quite a relaxing drive, actually. I don't really understand why this is a big deal," Purtle said after exiting his vehicle in his driveway. "It's surprising how easy it is to focus and pay attention when someone isn't constantly telling you how to drive."
This event has led some researchers to consider the possibility that normal, mundane tasks can, in fact, be accomplished by men without their wives' watchful supervision.
Bryan's wife, Audrey, was relieved to find him safe and sound after not being there to tell him everything he should be doing. "I'm just thankful he was able to see all of the vehicles around him on the road without me helpfully calling his attention to them. He was apparently able to know what the speed limit was without me reading the signs to him, too. This really must have been an act of God."
At publishing time, Bryan was preparing to take things a step further, planning a home improvement project that he was going to attempt without having Audrey there to helpfully point out the parts of the job he hadn't gotten to yet.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions