MALIBU, CA — In direct competition with President Trump's new TrumpRx website, Hunter Biden announced the launch of HunterRx, a brand new low-price pharmacy he runs out of the back of his van.
"Drugs? I got ‘em!" Biden stated proudly. "And remember, the first one's free!"
HunterRx was expected to undercut Trump's pharmaceutical discount effort while also boasting a significantly larger inventory.
"Broken leg? I got a drug for that. Can't sleep? I've got some top-shelf Robitussin and Dimetapp on tap for you," Biden says in a new television commercial. "Looking for uppers? Downers? Something to open your mind? Come on down. I also have aspirin if that's your thing. And meth. All in convenient packaging of a Ziploc bag."
Authorities were reportedly tipped off by Biden's own ad that he would be selling illicit drugs in addition to the typical FDA-approved brands, but he has thus far eluded capture.
"The suspect runs his pharmacy out of a van, making it impossible to track," LAPD Sergeant Abe Helmsman said. "He could be anywhere right now, illegally selling Tylenol to a child. Or black tar heroin. Probably for really reasonable prices, though."
At publishing time, Biden announced that HunterRx was not able to accept Blue Cross medical insurance at this time.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
