While the Summer Olympics are often lauded for their impressive displays of elite athletic prowess, the Winter Olympics are often (rightfully or wrongfully) seen as the "gay" version of the Olympic Games. Upon investigation, however, there may be a few not-quite-as-gay events.
To celebrate the start of the 2026 games in Italy, The Babylon Bee is here with the following list of the least-gay events in the Winter Olympics:
Curling: There's nothing more heterosexual than curling.
Pairs Figure Skating: The sparkly outfits and prancing are still pretty gay, but at least it's with a chick.
Singles Luge: One dude lying down in a skin-tight suit is objectionably less gay than the doubles version that has another dude in a skin-tight suit lying on top of him.
Short-Track Speed Skating: Anytime there's a chance of someone being sliced open by razor-sharp blades, it's a little more masculine.
Biathlon: The rifle shooting provides at least balance to the leotards.
Hockey: It's only slightly gay, which instantly makes it more masculine than all the other events.
Polar Bear Wrestling: Ok, unfortunately, this one doesn't actually exist, but if it did, it would definitely be the least gay event.
Feel free to enjoy the events above without being immersed in gay. All the other events? Proceed at your own risk. What are some other slightly less gay events in the Winter Olympics? List them below in the comments.
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