KYIV — President Biden paid a visit to Ukraine to reaffirm America's unwavering commitment to the country's democracy, sovereignty, and military-industrial complex while also picking up a few things Hunter asked about, including his paycheck.
The Babylon Bee has acquired a recording of the exchange between Biden and his adolescent son, Hunter, just before the trip:
HUNTER: Yo, Pops, how's it hangin'?
BIG GUY: Eh? What now? Which kid are you?
HUNTER: Hilarious, Dad. Hey, can you pick up my paycheck while you're in Kyiv? I'm swamped this week. *SNORT* Big art show coming up. *SNORT*
BIG GUY: Sure thing, Herman.
HUNTER: Thanks, Dad, you're the best. Also, I have a package waiting for me there. Could you pick that up too?
BIG GUY: Squirrel wizard.
HUNTER: K, cool. Brown paper package. Guy named Borysko the Blade has it.
BIG GUY: Baboonsky the Bard. Got it.
HUNTER: Just go to the address written in your notebook —
BIG GUY: Yum
HUNTER: Stop eating it; you need that address.
BIG GUY: Papa hungry. NURSE!
HUNTER: One more thing I need you to pick up. A busload of, um, ladies of the night.
BIG GUY: Janitorial staff?
HUNTER: No, bawdy tarts.
BIG GUY: Fruit snacks?
HUNTER: Forbidden women. Brazen hussies.
BIG GUY: Oh, town girls? Gotcha. Atta boy, son. Smartest guy I know.
At publishing time, Air Force One's return flight had been delayed while President Biden waited for Zelensky to sign his son's paycheck.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
