WASHINGTON, DC - After weeks of partisan bickering in Congress, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell have announced that a bipartisan relief bill is finally ready for Trump's signature. The bill will include stimulus to replenish Pelosi's ice cream freezer, more money for the Congressional Sexual Harassment Legal Defense Fund, and free "Going Out Of Business" signs for small business owners. 

"We are proud, so proud, to finally bring Americans the help they so desperately need in the form of millions of free "Going Out of Business" and "Store Closing" signs for hard-working business owners," said Nancy Pelosi. "In spite of heartless political posturing from the Republicans, we are proud to say that we managed to work together to get something done for the American people!"

"We are also proud to finally bring Americans the help they so desperately need with all these free, high-quality printed signs," said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. "In spite of heartless political posturing from the Democrats, we are proud to say that we managed to work together to get something done for the American people!"

The new signs will be printed in a congressional staffer's office over the next 3 years and will cost approximately 12 million dollars each.