HEAVEN — In a major clarification that has sent waves of relief through exhausted households worldwide, heaven confirmed Thursday that skipping paragraphs or even full pages of a child's bedtime story does not constitute a sin.
"We see the burdens borne by parents, especially around page 47 of a Dr. Seuss anthology," read the official heavenly press release. "If you strategically skip the third verse of The Wheels on the Bus or turn two pages of Green Eggs and Ham at once while the toddler is distracted, your standing in the Book of Life remains entirely unblemished."
According to divine sources, the decree was issued after Saint Peter noted a massive surge in late-night prayers from mothers attempting to speed-read The Cat in the Hat at 8:45 PM.
"The Lord looks at the heart, not whether you actually read the part where Sam eats the ham on a train or in the rain," explained one angel. "If the child's eyes are heavy and your voice is hoarse, skipping a few pages is mercy, not deception."
At publishing time, heaven had reportedly begun deliberating on a second decree addressing whether it's also a sin to tell kids that speed limits are just a suggestion.
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