JERUSALEM — A group of young men who had just finished burying Ananias, a man stricken dead for lying to the Holy Spirit, became frustrated when they discovered they also had to bury his wife Sapphira. The men had reportedly just gotten out of the shower and put on clean clothes when they saw her drop dead on the floor before the apostle Peter.

According to sources, Ananias was buried by Barnabas, Stephen, and Philip. The three men had nobly volunteered to take away the body of their lost brother and bury him outside the city. But after returning and washing up they were dismayed when they overheard Peter talking to Anania's wife.

"How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord?" asked Peter. "Behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out."

Sapphira collapsed with a cry, struck dead by the Holy Spirit.

"Oh, come on!" said Barnabas. "We just got done burying her husband! My shoulders are killing me."

"Can't someone else go?" asked Philip. "This is too much, Peter!"

Peter apologized but insisted the trio also handle Sapphira's burial. "I think it's more poetic this way," he insisted.

Stephen later revealed how he felt about the incident while evangelizing at Solomon's Portico. "We were definitely filled with great reverence and respect after Ananias died. We didn't want to lie to the Holy Spirit. But then when his wife also died I just got super annoyed," he admitted.

At publishing time, it was revealed that Prochorus, a man who hadn't helped bury either Ananias or Sapphira, was relieved by the day's events because he'd been dreading breaking the news of Ananias' death to Sapphira and was able to avoid what would have been a very uncomfortable conversation.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.